Wanna' laugh ?!

What follows here is a collection of jokes related to computers, programmers and physicists. If you know more, please let me know by emailing me at

First some thoughts about computers and their users :-)

Never change a running system
Never run a changing system
Change a never running system

Kunde: "Ich benutze Windows 95."
Techniker: "Ach so !"
Kunde: "Mein Computer läuft nicht !"
Techniker: "Das sagten Sie schon !"

Windows:   gesehen,    gelacht,   gelöscht.
             (stolen from Volker Schöch)

Kunde:"Ich möchte das neue Windows 98 kaufen !"
Verkäufer:"Ach, haben Sie alte Version schon zu Ende 
gespielt ?"
Technical terms in computer sciences - 9: 
 "GUI"   One background picture and 12 Xterms.
             (by Kristian Köhntopp)
Was ist das? Schwimmt im Wasser und schreit "F1"?
Ein Informatiker, der nicht schwimmen kann.

A new version of the "Erlkönig" (loosely adapted from J.W. Goethe)
Wer tastet sich nachts die Finger klamm ?
Es ist der Programmierer mit seinem Programm !
Er tastet und hastet. Er tastet schnell,
im Osten wird der Himmel schon hell.
Sein Haar ist ergraut, seine Hände zzittern,
vom unablässigen Kernspeicherfüttern.
Da - aus dem Kernspeicher ertönt ein Geflüster
"Wer poltert in meinem Basisregister ?"
Nur ruhig, nur ruhig, ihr liebne Bits,
es ist doch nur ein kleiner Witz.
Mein Meister, mein Meister, sieh mal dort !
Da vorne schleicht sich ein Vorzeichen fort !
Bleib ruhig, bleib ruhig, mein liebes Kind,
ich hole es wieder. Ganz bestiummt.
Mein Meister, mein Meister, hörst du das Grollen ?
Die wilden Bits durch den Kernspeicher tollen !
Nur ruhig, nur ruhig, das haben wir gleich,
die sperren wir in den Pufferbereich.
Er testet und hastet wie besessen,
Scheiße - jetzt hat er zu saven vergessen,
der Programmierer schreit in höchster Quayl,
da zuckt durch das Fenster ein Sonnenstrahl.
Der Bildschirm flimmert im Morgenrot,
Programm gestorben, Programmierer tot !
                              (anonym aus dem Internet)

The following phrases and their interpretations (which shouldn't be taken to serious) are from the annex of a guide to report writing which I got from one of my professors in Tromsø when it came to writing lab reports.

"It has long been known..."
I didn't look up the original references

"A definite trend is evident..."
These data are practically meaningless

"Of great theoretical and practical importance..."
Interesting to me

"While it has not been possible to provide definite
answers to these questions..."
An unsuccessfull experiment, but I still hope to get it 

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..."
The results of the others didn't make any sense

"Typical results are shown..."
The best results are shown

"These results will be shown in a subsequent report..."
I might get around to this if I'm pushed

"The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones..."
He was my graduate assistant

"It is believed that..."
I think

"It is generally believed..."
A couple of other guys think so, too

"It is clear that much additional work will be 
required before a complete understanding of the 
phenomenon occurs..."
I don't understand it

"Correct within an order of magnitude..."

"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further
investigation in this field..."
This is a lousy paper, but so are all the others on this 
miserable topic

"A careful analysis of obtainable data..."
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I 
knocked over a glass of beer
                         (anonym aus dem Internet)

Finally, I would like to point you to poem about a totally different topic. Click here for a poem about childrens world.